Go to college, learn what you're passionate about, get a job and love it. I feel like this is the sequence of events that we're lead to believe is what life is made of. If we just follow that path we'll find our purpose. It seems like I should be on that path right now. I've studied one of the things I love, I've gotten a job in a related field. I'm happy doing that job. Something is just...missing.

Being a stay at home mom really changed me. I had 4 years where I not only got to write and be a mom, but I got to rediscover the things I loved to do. I remember a class in college that focused on "what would we do if we didn't HAVE to do anything" and how to find a way to do that as a career. For years and years I've tried to find that thing, that one thing that I know I could do forever and for years and years I've been lost. I enjoy a wide variety of things equally and just because I love all of these things doesn't mean they're related in any way or I could make a viable career out of them.

I've been doing a lot of soul searching in the past few months since becoming a personal trainer. Going back into the working world has been a bit of a challenge and I'm learning a lot about myself in the process. I'm also thankful that I have the luxury to decide on what I want to do, and how to make a career out of what I enjoy. But how to find that? 

I miss writing. I miss sewing. I miss creating and living in this creative bubble I'd formed for myself. I've been working so much and trying to balance family life that I've been completely separated from my creative home and I'm learning that's the piece that's missing. What does that mean for personal training? I still want to pursue that path. I'm trying to figure out how it all fits together.

So where to go from here...I don't know. That's the funny thing about turning 30 (oh my god was that a year ago already?) is that you feel this need to reevaluate where you are and where you've been. I'm not willing to settle for OK. I don't want an OK life where I just go through the motions and miss out on all of the things I enjoy the most in the chaos of just trying to get by, or just trying to get through a job.

I guess it's time for some reevaluations, some soul searching, some brainstorming and planning. I get this way in the fall, I feel the creative pull singing that same old siren song, calling me back home. I suppose it's time to listen.