June 12, 2014

girl gets headache.

This blog has been such a neglected little piece of my life this year. It's always in the back of my mind, it used to be kind of a nagging voice. That's back when I had expectations of myself, when blogging really seemed like a little bit of a business for me. But I guess I realized something this year without actually realizing it - that I can't be the quintessential blogger of today. I just can't make this blog a business. It's not in my veins, I don't have the drive or will to present things on here day in and day out. 

I don't want this to be a presentation. I don't want this blog to be formal or perfectly edited. I don't want to have perfectly timed posts to gain traffic. I don't want to write sponsored posts, I don't want to make Pinterest-worth posts. (Don't even get me started on Pinterest.) I just don't care anymore. 

What I do care about though, that I miss from blogging, is a look back at who I was at different points of motherhood. I sometimes forget who I was during those moments. I forget the things my squishy offspring did on mundane Thursday afternoons. Not that I necessarily want to capture every. single. thing. they've ever done, I just want a little blip. I want to write a little blip about our lives for purely selfish reasons - so that on days when I'm feeling particularly nostalgic, I can see what we were doing on one mundane Thursday afternoon two years ago. 

One of my biggest strengths and also probably my greatest weakness is my creativity. I'm not afraid to brag that I'm an extremely creative human. I just am, and I'm glad I can recognize this quality about myself. I don't try to stifle it or hide it. But this constant creative flow is exhausting and overwhelming. I have ideas constantly throughout the day. Ideas for my shop, for my blog, my business, my home, my children...super creative and original ideas. Sometimes I even write them down thinking it'll settle my mind. However what I have in creativity I lack two fold in the mental capacity to organize these ideas and execute them in some sort of order. It's like putting your thumb on the end of hose that's on full blast. 

Just like this blog post, right now my brain is all over the place. What I'm really focusing on now is working on a way to sort through all of this craziness and come through clenching onto the golden tickets. Ugh! This is my first post in a month and already I have a headache. I know how I feel but I feel so much it's exhausting to find the right words. 

Here's to finding some clarity. 

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