I've talked so much in the past about the boys speech delays and the leaps and bounds they've made in just over a year of therapy. Seriously, last year at this time we were jumping for joy when they were putting 2 words together. Phrases like "more milk" and "hi mommy" were a huge deal...for boys going on 3 years old.
We've come so far. Isaiah is putting together small sentences- little 3-4 word phrases back to back. He's saying things like "going to catch a fish" and "running real fast". He is nonstop repeating every phrase out of my mouth. Julian is using phrases that pertain to how he feels, "tummy hurt" and "eating a banana". Although he doesn't have quite the vocabulary of his brother, what he does say is much more clear and deliberate. When we see friends and family that we haven't seen for awhile (even a couple of weeks) they can't believe how much more the boys can say.
It's been an amazing year in regards to their speech growth. They're developing just like every other kid, just all of the developmental milestones regarding speech are happening later than most. Every day I remember to tell myself that in time they'll be caught up. This little reminder though, is little solace when I'm hearing of all these conversations other moms are hearing or having with their kids the boys' age and younger. Full on, normal conversations. In the isles of Target, at the grocery store, online. It's all around me, and each time I hear it I want to just cover my ears and run away.
With most aspects of life, I'm pretty good about not letting myself get caught up in comparisons. It truly does steal happiness. We can never be anyone else, everyone's story is different. That being said, there is one thing that just kills me a little every day. Hearing people talk about all the conversations they're having with their kids just shoots this huge arrow of sadness through my heart. I don't know if it stems from some deep, internal feeling of guilt or failure on my part. I know it's not all on my shoulders, but there's no way to take away that feeling. It's something I struggle with daily.
It's not like I feel like we're missing out, it just really really sucks we're not at that point. It sucks I can't hear of all the things they're imagining. It sucks that they are these boys who are big for their age, who understand mostly everything we say, but just can't communicate it all back to us. That's the only way I can think to put it- it just really sucks.
We'll get there in our own time. I try to focus on the positives, and that the boys are happy and healthy. But I think it's just human of us to get sucked into the comparisons. The real lesson in strength however, is learning to rise above, to appreciate the good, to move forward, to count your blessings.
And our blessings can be counted in spades.