September 5, 2013

to all of the teenagers (boys AND girls)

Have you read this post? You should, because my entire post is going to be my thoughts about it all.

First off, I don't completely agree with this lady, however I don't completely disagree. The fact that she talked about girls being modest yet posted photos of her sons on the beach in swimming trunks is a little contradictory. I know they're not showing any "parts" but teenage girls ogle over boys in swimming trunks just as much as guys drool over girls in bikinis. That's just how teenagers work. 

I was a high school girl not that long ago. Although we didn't live our lives online then, I imagine I'd have known what would get attention from boys and what wouldn't. There are other ways to get attention from boys besides posting photos of yourself online in a bikini or in your bedroom or with a pout and big doe eyes. I'm not even going to pretend to talk about not getting attention from boys. Parents have the habit of trying to tell their daughters they don't need to worry about boys, to focus on school, extra curricular activities, etc. It's just not realistic. Maybe for some kids, but even when parents are super strict...hormones are still raging! When I was in high school-it was all about boys, and who liked who, and who was dating who. And I never even had a boyfriend! I wasn't some boy crazy teen with nothing else to do and I still was all about who I liked and didn't and maybe so-and-so would ask me out and blah blah blah boys boys boys.

To teenage girls - if you were my daughter I'd tell you this: knock it off. Stop posting selfies screaming with sexual undertones. Just stop. You know what you're doing, I know what you're doing. Just stop it. It's not helping anything and at some point you might attract the wrong kind of attention. No, it's not ok for boys to sexualize you. Guys have a hard enough time keeping their mind out of the gutter, they don't need your help. It's not ok for you to sexualize yourself, pretend your not, and still want the attention. You don't need to show three fourths of the skin on your body to be noticed. There are other ways to get the attention of the guy you like. (And if you live in my house, you're damn right I'm going to be patrolling what you wear and what you post online. It's my job to help guide you.)

Be good at something. Be really good at something. Join a club, interact with large groups of kids at school or in extracurricular activities. You should be so busy you don't have time to be posting bedroom selfies- because when it comes to those, if you wouldn't hang it in a frame in your living room for all your family to see, you probably shouldn't be posting it online.

Don't manipulate guys, don't lead them on, don't use them because you know they like you or think you're hot. I know it's easy to try to be sexy and get what you want, but trust me, you're not going to attract the good guys that way. And you want a good guy-you deserve a good guy. You get more respect from boys when you respect yourself. How you treat him could potentially effect all future relationships he has with women. 

To the teenage boys- to my baby boys who will one day be hormonal teenagers- treat girls with respect. What does this mean? Don't talk about them in sexual ways with your guy friends, just because they're talking about it. Don't talk about what chick you're going to "hit", don't ever refer to her as a bitch (or women as bitches, for that matter), don't talk about her body parts and what you think of them with your friends. If your friends are talking like that, I'd suggest you hang out with some other kids or I don't know, stand up for yourself and what you believe. Tell the guys it's lame and disrespectful to talk about girls like that. If you wouldn't say it to her face, you probably shouldn't be talking about it. And if you would say it to her face, you ought to re-think your game.

I know sometimes girls do things that seem to be just to get your attention, whether she posts a photo online of her and her friends in swimsuits in the bathroom, or if she wears low cut shirts to school. Girls do this and you're just going to have to get over it. Don't worry about what she's wearing-worry about what she's thinking. Chances are, there's a lot more going on inside than what's on the outside. Women are going to be around you your whole life, hot women at that, and you're going to have to figure out how to control your thoughts and actions. As for the girl in your class whose ass is always hanging out of her shorts, well, she (or her parents) will have their own issues to deal with.

If you're dating a girl, be a gentleman. Get her flowers, hold the door open, make her something, put some thought into it. I swear to you, she will go ga-ga over it. Even if you try just a little. Be nice and respectful with her parents. Take interest in things she likes, ask her lots of questions, give her many sincere compliments. Brag about her to your friends, about how smart she is or about how good at something she is. Don't talk about her body, or the things you may or may not do together. How you treat a girl now could potentially effect her relationship with any other man she dates in the future. 

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