September 25, 2013

on our 4 year anniversary


Today is our 4 year wedding anniversary. And in about a month it'll be 8 years since we first met, since I drunkenly introduced myself to the hot bouncer at the bar that I was always secretly stalking. And here we are, 8 years, 1 short break up, 1 long distance, and 1 even longer distance, 3 long distance moves, eighty bajillion short moves, 1 engagement, 1 surprise pregnancy, 2 beautiful boys and almost 3000 days later. 

I'd like to say the past 4 years of marriage have been easy and perfectly wonderful. But to tell you the truth, some of it has been hard. We've been through more huge life changes in the 4 years we've been married than most people go through in the first 15 years of marriage. They've tested both of us in so many ways. To say our marriage has been wonderful would be false, marriage is hard people. It's hard work. 
When you get married you say for better or for worse, and for a lot of couples the worst gets the best of them. For better or for worse. We promised to not hate each other even when it would be easiest to just be angry. We bicker and get annoyed with each other. I'm bossy, he hates being bossed. Sometimes I talk before I think, sometimes he thinks too much and doesn't talk. 

We aren't soul mates, we're not best friends. We are husband and wife, two silly people who love each other so much that we promised each other that we would stay together forever. When you think about it like that, you have to really love somebody to promise to be around them forever... no matter what. To me, that's a level of love higher than soul mates, higher than best friends. Life is really long, and it's hard to be around anyone in general for a long period of time. To find a partner that you chose to stay with for this blindfolded roller coaster ride; it's a miracle. 
I heard something on NPR recently that really struck a cord with me, and it was something along the lines of-everyone is searching for that one thing; they want a happy marriage. Above anything else, they want their marriage to be happy. But what we don't realize is that the not-happy parts of a marriage are what life are all about. We learn most, grow most, really live most when we're not in this boring state of happiness. We're able to better understand each other and ourselves only when we go through struggles. We get married because we want a fuller life, we want a life full of ups and downs, full of adventures and obstacles. If we wanted an easy life, no one would ever get married.

So if struggling and challenges are what it takes for us to grow together throughout this life, I look forward all the years mountains we have yet to climb. Because with each mountain you climb, you gain more experience, and it gets easier to avoid the rocky cliffs and loose rubble. Each day we're married we get a little better at it...at understanding each other, being a better wife (or a husband). I think they need to change that line- I promise to love you for better and worse, because in life, they come at the same time. And we're pretty damn good at handling it all. 
Love you, husband.




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