what's going on behind the screen

For the past few months, maybe this is just a summer thing, I've been struggling to keep up with this blog. I have lots of ideas, I'm just having trouble making the time to sit down and write it all out. I haven't taken many photos with my DSLR lately, and I like to use those photos for the blog instead of iPhone photos all the time. I keep feeling this tug of guilt? Or I don't know the feeling, like something looming over my head that I need to get done. I'm putting some kind of unnecessary pressure on myself to keep a blogging schedule and I'm just having such a hard time getting it done.

The truth is, life is kind of taking over right now. Since I started Insanity work outs, they dictate a lot of my free time since I work out when I'm free. My etsy shop aspirations are starting to fill in other holes of my free time, sewing and sewing and sewing. I signed up for a handmade craft fair in November. My very first! It's been a huge goal of mine for awhile and I finally bit the bullet and signed up. Now I'm in this state of panic, like- I have only a couple of months and I don't really know much about this fair. How much stuff will I need? How will I keep my shop stocked at the same time? How am I ever going to find time to blog?
And the boys. Oh, the boys. This stage of parenting has been super difficult but also insanely involved. I love every second of it. They actually want me to play with them. They're interested in sitting down and learning things, in exploring outside, in playing games and just being silly. I really do spend about 80% of my day just playing and breaking up fights. 

Oh and I have a house to run. It seems to be on the last of my list of things to do lately but I need to clean. Not just need to clean, I need to clean. Every day. It gives me some weird sense of accomplishment and the feeling of total control over something. I'm more relaxed when things are clean, I feel proud of myself and my home when things are where they should be. Is my house clean? Hardly ever. Well, to anyone else, yes. But I see the spilled milk spots on the floor in the hallway, the dust on the baseboards, the cobwebs forming in the corners. I see it always. 

I'm going to try to force myself to sit down and write about my journey here a little more often. I do love blogging, I love getting my thoughts out. I like the connections I've made and the new friendships that have formed. So, I promise to be around more often and more consistently, I just wanted to give you guys a little glimpse into what's going on on the other side of the screen, and all the things that have me occupied when I'm not pouring my heart out to you all!

Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me through these inconsistent and somewhat distant times, and for staying interested in the story I have to tell. It really means the world. You know you can always keep up with me on instagram where I seem to be frequenting more often than the blog lately...I post daily on my fitness journey, the boys' happenings and occasional a sleeping hubs. 

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