Remember how I've been talking bout growing my hair out for like, ever? I had all of these reasons to keep myself motivated and all of these pictures I'd pinned of women with beautiful flowing locks. I was was determined. Chikezie even told me he liked it longer and was always convincing me not to cut it.
Ever since we moved to Portland I've realized how uncomfortable I've always been with long hair. Maybe it's because I've always been one to kind of rebel against this idea that women are more beautiful or sexy or just more womanly with long hair. Or maybe it's because my hair has always been short, I suddenly didn't really know what to do with long hair and it just ended up in a ponytail most of the time.
I'd often find myself standing in front of the mirror holding my hair half up, imagining the girl with short hair and if she'd be happier. But I convinced myself that I'd got this far, I can keep growing it. I kept telling myself I'd feel more beautiful with more hair.
And then I got that urge. You know, that one where you just want to chop it all off that second. I held on to that urge for 2 days and got more and more claustrophobic with time. I needed it off my head. Chikezie was out of town, I had no other option than to just do it myself.
As soon as I laid the boys down for nap I started to get flutters in my stomach and exited spikes of adrenaline. That feeling you get before a first date, or a tattoo, or before you know you're about to cut 6 inches of hair off your head with nothing more than a regular old pair of scissors and a mirror.
I hesitated before the first cut. Do I want to do this? What will people think? Will Chikezie think I'm as pretty with short hair? Fuck it.
I snipped the front left side straight across. At first I thought, "oh shit. What did I just do?" then I told myself I couldn't go back now. I'd look like a total douche if I left it. So I cut away.
It felt freaking good. I IMMEDIATELY felt more like me than I'd felt in a very long time. I don't care what anyone else thinks of it, it's my hair and I'll wear it how I want. I'm just as beautiful and womanly and hot with short hair. The long hair that I thought would make me feel that way was gone.
And so now, I'm the short curly haired Mandey I feel most comfortable being and it feels damn good.