Back to me.

Remember how I've been talking bout growing my hair out for like, ever? I had all of these reasons to keep myself motivated and all of these pictures I'd pinned of women with beautiful flowing locks. I was was determined. Chikezie even told me he liked it longer and was always convincing me not to cut it.

Ever since we moved to Portland I've realized how uncomfortable I've always been with long hair. Maybe it's because I've always been one to kind of rebel against this idea that women are more beautiful or sexy or just more womanly with long hair. Or maybe it's because my hair has always been short, I suddenly didn't really know what to do with long hair and it just ended up in a ponytail most of the time.

I'd often find myself standing in front of the mirror holding my hair half up, imagining the girl with short hair and if she'd be happier. But I convinced myself that I'd got this far, I can keep growing it. I kept telling myself I'd feel more beautiful with more hair.

And then I got that urge. You know, that one where you just want to chop it all off that second. I held on to that urge for 2 days and got more and more claustrophobic with time. I needed it off my head. Chikezie was out of town, I had no other option than to just do it myself.

As soon as I laid the boys down for nap I started to get flutters in my stomach and exited spikes of adrenaline. That feeling you get before a first date, or a tattoo, or before you know you're about to cut 6 inches of hair off your head with nothing more than a regular old pair of scissors and a mirror.

I hesitated before the first cut. Do I want to do this? What will people think? Will Chikezie think I'm as pretty with short hair? Fuck it.



I snipped the front left side straight across. At first I thought, "oh shit. What did I just do?" then I told myself I couldn't go back now. I'd look like a total douche if I left it. So I cut away.

It felt freaking good. I IMMEDIATELY felt more like me than I'd felt in a very long time. I don't care what anyone else thinks of it, it's my hair and I'll wear it how I want. I'm just as beautiful and womanly and hot with short hair. The long hair that I thought would make me feel that way was gone.

And so now, I'm the short curly haired Mandey I feel most comfortable being and it feels damn good.

Two year olds mean business


I know it's been awhile since I blogged but I still only have the iPad and my phone...typing out a post takes forever. Plus, y'all know I'm a visual person and it's so hard to post decent pictures on here, but I digress. I need to post.

And today's post is going to be one of those that you can probably all relate to. I love my children but they're lucky they're cute because they've been as annoying as hell lately. It might have a little to do that we are in a small 1br apartment with minimal toys.

Here's my current list of annoyances, feel free to vent your similar frustrations because it feels good to get it out.

- Screaming at the top of their lungs for fun. All the time. I've tried time outs scolding, ignoring, etc. They just keep each other going and it gets worse.
- Continuously opening the garbage, cupboards with bad stuff, glass doors of storage next to the tv, the freezer, oven.
-Pounding on every surface of the house and usually with wooden kitchen utensils. I normally wouldn't care but we're in temp housing on the top floor of an old building a.k.a. people can hear everything.
-Fighting over my lap because they don't want to share. And then tantrumig because of it.
-Reaching all of the lights and turning them on and off continuously.
-Throwing any and everything when they're pissed off, which in turn makes a huge loud noise on our wood floors and I'm sure everyone in a 5 apartment radius can hear.

Only a few more weeks in this place and then we'll have a yard for them to explore, a huge baby proofed house and no below neighbors to worry about annoying.

Two year olds make my brain hurt.

teaching dudes to talk

I'm using the app for blogger for the first time today...I'm ready to have an actual computer back.

In the next couple of weeks I'm going to see if I can get the boys evaluated for speech therapy. Whatever I'm doing just isn't enough. And the thing is, they CAN communicate. They use so many signs for things they know, but I have no idea how to get them to SAY the words instead of signing them.the signs they do know are the words we use the most and they could probably benefit from the most.

Has anyone had this problem? Your kids not vocalizing the words for signs they know?

They also have quite a few "words" and sounds that I've kind of deciphered to figure out what they mean. Yogurt and oatmeal have the same kind of growling "arrarrr" noise. Chicken=buck buck. High pitched squeaking=bird.

I just really don't know what else to do. We read tons of books, I try to get them to vocalize things through repetition and simple speech. Food isn't a motivator. I can't withhold things to get them to say things. I'm just kind of stuck.

Has anyone been through speech therapy with their little ones and has some good advice for me?

Update!

Well, we are officially moved to Portland! We got here on Saturday after 11 hours in the car and the boys did amazing. They may or may not have watched Rango on repeat (whatever it takes, folks). And for those wondering, I'm in love with Portland. It's like a combination of all our favorite cities and already feels like home.

We're staying in a 1 br vacation rental in the downstairs of someone's home and it's nice and cozy but only a partial kitchen so my cooking options are really limited. We move to our other temp rental next week which is a full apartment and I look forward to a little more normalcy there until June.

The boys have adjusted beautifully. They love all the walks I've been taking them on and I think they get more attention from people here than we did in Orange County :)

Blogging will be kind of touch and go for awhile as I'm going off the iPad right now and it's kind of a pain in my ass to type a whole post and for some reason the pictures aren't posting. You guys can follow me on instagram @mamaandthedudes if you want to stay up to date with our adventures.

A huge thank you to everyone who helped us get here and all the PDX peeps making us feel so welcome already!