February 1, 2012

5 minutes of raising toddler twins.

This morning was one of those parenting moments that was absolutely crazy while it was happening but afterward, it was one of those things I don't want to forget. I don't want to forget how much these two little THINGS that aren't even 2  years old can completely own their parents...

Important information to know before I tell you this story: I got the boys out of bed before doing what I usually do, put the baby gates up at the stairs and at the kitchen entry. Bad move.

As soon as I got Julian out of bed he was squealing and squirming to get away from me. I put him down and he practically spun out trying to run away. He saw the gate wasn't up at the stairs. Shit. I chased after him and put the gate up all while I hear Isaiah whining in his bed, thinking I'd deserted him in the bedroom.

I walked back into their room and was greeted with the biggest, most excited smile from Isaiah. I should have known he had a special surprise for me. I lifted him, snuggled and kissed him and he wanted down, too. (My cuddle moments are few and far between.) As I watch him walk away, I notice the lump in his pants looks a little lopsided. I decide he must have gotten his diaper off and it was in the left leg of his pj's. Thank everything that is holy I put on his tighter pj pants so it all stayed in there. 

I scoop him up ready to change his diaper and quickly realize it's not just a wet diaper in those pj legs; there are other treasures awaiting. I'm now holding him out in front of me, his pants and diaper full of poop dangling at his knees and I'm yelling to Chikeize, 

"Wipes! I need wipes!!" 

He runs to get wipes and a diaper as I lay Isaiah down trying to contain the poop situation. It's worse than I thought. As he's yelling at me and kicking me with his freakishly strong legs, I see there is poop all over his legs. 

"Scratch that! Just get me a towel or wash cloth or something! The poop is everywhere!" I yell back to Chikezie. I see him frantically searching for something to contain toxic spill.

Meanwhile, I hear the noise of something spilling all over the kitchen floor. Shit shit shit! I forgot to put the gate up. Julian has dumped an entire bag of straws out all over the floor. 

"Chikezie can you get Julian out of the kitchen?" I ask as he hands me a wet wash cloth as he walks to the kitchen to stop Hurricane Julian from doing any more damage.

"I need a towel! This wash cloth is not enough! There is poop everywhere!" I say back to Chikezie, after the washcloth basically did nothing to clean up the nasty. By this time, Isaiah is full out fighting me. I'm just trying not to get poop on every surface around us and Chikezie is trying to do 8 things at once. And then, with my mommy super hearing, I hear another noise from the kitchen.

"Chikezie...Julian is getting into the cupboard under the sink!" Yeah, this kid is freakishly strong and can break the locks in the kitchen. (Which is why I always put the gate up. Oh wait, I didn't.) He was breaking into the cupboard under the sink...you know, the cupboard with all the hazardous chemicals. 

Super hubby sweeps into the kitchen, saves Julian from eminent danger, I successfully clean up the poop-tornado without getting it everywhere and we're all safe.

This was just a 5 minute snippet of what it's like to be raising toddler twins. 

And now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

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