confession


Being a stay at home mama has made me lazy. I've been really mediocre at taking care of myself lately. I'm ashamed. I'm embarrassed. It's really hard for me to admit all of this because I feel like this life I'm living in California is not the life I lived in Iowa. For shit's sake, I spent four years in college studying health and fitness. I did fitness testing on people. I took blood pressure and measured body fat. I won a weight loss competition after college for a local magazine. After that I worked out with a trainer for a year. I planned to make a career out of it. After college I decided I really wanted to help women. I wanted to help pregnant women be active. I wanted to help women who've had kids lose weight. 

And then I got pregnant. And now I'm one of those women I wanted to help and I'm struggling to help myself. It's all mental, I know this. But I firmly believe you can't take health advice from someone who isn't healthy themselves. 

I've given myself 2 years to get back into my pre-baby jeans. (Since I had 2 babies) I'm not trying to be pre-baby size I'm not going to compare my body to my old body. I simply am not the same anymore. But I'm not my best. And here are my downfalls:
  • I sat on my ass on bed rest for most of my pregnancy. That lifestyle is hard to break. And this has made it really hard for me to just get outside the house, ever. I'm really content at home not going anywhere. 
  • I make excuses. We used to live in a nice flat area, we had an elevator in our apt complex. So I could just roll the stroller down the hall, take the elevator down and ten walk 2 blocks away to the outdoor mall. We had a huge park area and I was walking with the boys all the time. There was free yoga and spin classes and a nice gym that I wish I would have utilized more than I did. Now we live somewhere with a huge flight of stairs in the middle of the hills. I use all of this to psych myself to just NOT get out of the house. I get tired just thinking of it.
  • Eating right has never been harder. When the food is RIGHT THERE all day long. It was so much easier when I actually went to a job, I'd take my lunch and that's all I had. 
I read other people's blogs, other moms, who are out getting fit and being active. I am one of those moms. Health and wellness is my passion. I've studied and read so much about this stuff, yet I'm not practicing what I know...and want to preach. 

Time to kick my own ass. 

I'm going to be making a conscious effort to start exploring all of these old passions. Just because my life has completely changed doesn't mean I have to as well. And I still have time to reach my goal, of fitting into my old jeans by March. It's awhile, I know but all good things take time.

I know this was kind of rambling but I really just want to remember this feeling. Maybe some of you out there can relate. And since I don't have many friends here, I guess you internet friends can be a source of support. 

I'm ready to do this thing.

3 comments :

  1. You can do it! I work for the AHA and we have this program called START. Basically its about starting to so something now. Not tomorrow noting Monday. Do something small -today- for 10-15 min.doing that little bit works wonders on your psyche to motivate you to do something else the next day. You can do it! And while we're at it, I need to do it too.

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  2. I was on bedrest too. It definitely changes things, and then the time you previously had to workout is taken by a new baby (or two!). I had gotten my butt in gear for two months, and then I got a foot injury, so I'm back at square one waiting for it to heal. Will cheer you on and join in when I'm cleared! Go for it!

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  3. I can totally relate! But you put it out there in Internet land so you will totally do it. You've motivated me too! I haven't been to a kickboxing class in months and it's go time! Your blog is adorable, this may be the first time I've commented cause I'm shy like that but I enjoy reading. I also think were neighbors. I'm in the oc and I think you are too? Your boys are the cutest!

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