I'm going to share with you all a little bit of wisdom I've learned in my almost 2 years of marriage and almost 1 1/2 years of motherhood. Now, I may not be an expert on the subject but I did have to go through all these changes at lightning speed. All at the same time, all in a new place. My journey in California has been one of great self discovery and reflection and gosh-darn-it, I've learned a lot about myself.
One thing I've constantly struggled with is being a Stay At Home Mama (SAHM). Leaving work to stay home everyday is such a huge deal to any woman. We love feeling productive outside the home. We love to have other adults depend on us, have adult conversations, and yeah a paycheck isn't so bad either. And although I've fully embraced this new position as mom and wife, it's not all smooth sailing.
Some days I feel like I do it all. Well, a lot of days I do most of it. I'm talking about the housework, the feeding and entertaining of the boys, everything. This is in no way downplaying EVERYTHING my husband does. I mean, without him we wouldn't be here. And as a web designer, my husband also works when he gets home. I mean, the guy works all the time. So there are going to be a LOT of days I do more than 50 percent of the housework.
I've come to realize lately that marriage is NOT 50-50. Life isn't equal. When you enter a relationship forever with someone, you're a team no matter what. My job isn't taking care of the boys 9-5 until Chikezie gets home. My job now is working 24 hours a day. I know we all struggle at some point in our motherhood with thinking we do it all and are mad or resentful about it. I've given that up. I'm just doing MY SHARE of what it takes to raise a family. You can't split it up 50-50.
And on days when I'm cleaning everything, I have whiney boys hanging at my feet, I'm working to keep it all together, I don't think I've given up a life to do this. I think about how much of a bad-ass I am for pretty much running this show. To be a stay-at-home-mama was not my life's ambition but I must say I'm pretty damn good at it.
And my husband, he's really stepped up his game to be a dad. We'll take last night as a slight example of the man he is; he worked a full day at the office, picked up some chicken to grill on his way home, made us all dinner as I chatted with a friend on the phone, cleaned the kitchen, and then left later to pick up a couple things at the store we needed for the next day. He helped get the boys ready for bed, and even had time to play some video games.
We're a pretty good team. And it kind of reminds me of football. Although the quarterback gets all the glory, he has a line silently protecting him and making sure he can do the job he needs to do. Without that line, he's pretty much screwed.