fresh start

This weekend has been detrimental to my body. Something has been off lately. I CRAVED carbs all weekend long. And I ate them. I didn't work out. My lower back and abdomen ached much like it does once a month (and it is no where near the time that it should be aching). I'm fairly certain I've undone all the hard work I put in the past couple weeks by this weekend alone.

But I'm learning more and more that it's not a race. This journey with my new after babies body, this journey is crazy. For some people it seems like nothing. If you haven't had kids you don't know yet. Women's bodies go through some CRAZY transformations after babies. I am no longer the person I was before I had them. I don't think people realize how much of a struggle is to learn self acceptance. And I honestly don't think many people ever reach that place.

I never hate my body. There are many days there are things I wish were different but I've always been able to find some positives to focus on. I've been thinking about throwing my scale completely away but felt like it was wasting money, so I threw the batteries away. You can starve yourself and lose weight. You can eat only crackers all day long and lose weight. You can eat nothing, drink tons of alcohol and the number on the scale will go down. And so will the years on your life.

I'm not obese. I may be a few pounds overweight but unless I somehow balloon out of control, I'll never need a scale. We all talk about getting smaller. Everyone wants to get smaller. We're counting inches, pounds, calories. I'm so tired of counting. Why can't we just be the size we are and go on living our lives doing things that make us happy and not thinking about this stupid stuff?

I'm ready to change focus. I'm ready listen. And I mean really listen to what my body has to say. We all say we're trying to get healthier. What does that even mean? Right now we are all focusing too much on a BODY health and losing sight of emotional, psychological, spiritual health.  LIFE health. 

Will we ever be happy with our bodies? Will a day come where you finally say to yourself as you look in the mirror, "I love it all. I'm happy with everything inside and out."? What will it take to get you to that point? Think of all the hours of a day you devote to negative thoughts about yourself. We waste SO MUCH TIME with this.

Let's say you lose all the weight you want to, fit back into whatever clothes you are wanting to fit into, get back to a certain size you used to be. When you were that size before, did you want to change something? I know I did. 

Sometimes, things aren't so good. This weekend was one of those times. I'm really listening to my body and how it feels after this gluttonous and lazy weekend. Each day is a fresh start. And I'm looking forward to this week and picking up where I left off. 

So here's to a new week with new challenges. Here's to being more aware and accepting of our bodies. We all fall off the horse from time to time (although my times seem quite frequent), and now it's time to get back on, give a little kick and run like the wind.

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