May 20, 2011

Flashback Friday: more babies

These are the dudes, one year ago. Isaiah on the left, Julian on the right. They were 2 1/2 months old and oh so cute.

I see pictures like these and I get really confused. If we had all the money in the world, I'd want like 5 kids. But we don't. I get so sad thinking that this is my only chance. That these are the only babies we'll ever have. I know we are so lucky, that we had two at once. But at the same time, I only got to experience one pregnancy. As lonely and uncomfortable I was when I was pregnant, I want to know what a normal pregnancy feels like. What it's like to not be a monster truck for the majority of the pregnancy. To really connect with one little one while he/she grows in my belly. For a lot of families who just had one baby, the decision to have more is fairly clear. When you have two at once, that decision is a little harder to come by.

My baby belly at 26 weeks. The end of my being even remotely comfortable. 

We make such pretty babies, I can only imagine what other combinations our DNA would come up with. Chikezie and I know that we're not ready for another baby right now and but I think we're both really unsure of what we want to do. I think he would love another baby. I think he would love the boys to be big brothers. But at the same time it's a bigger responsibility for him as he is our breadwinner. I think that's our main focus; money. 

At the aquarium last summer.

I know we could make it work. We do want a house some day but don't want to buy anything until we know where we want to settle. The thought of buying a house right now scares me because I'm not ready to stay. Although I hate renting, I like knowing that we can change in a year. I know that won't be an option forever once the boys are in school but for now this is ok. When you add another child to the mix, we go from a 2 bedroom to a 3 bedroom place. 


I think we're both just kind of at a loss for what to do. I want another baby. I want the boys to be big brothers. I'd like to maybe have a girl, but three dudes would be just as great. In my life, being a mama has been the one thing I've been best at. I feel like it's my "purpose" if that doesn't sound too cheesy. But for now we'll just have to wait, until the decision becomes more clear. 

Or if another baby decides to surprise us like these ones did :) 


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