about my body

Earlier this week I decided it was about time to really focus on losing this weight. As summer approaches so do shorts, skirts, tank tank tops and *winch* swimming suits. I'd like to wear these things this summer without the mama jiggle. As women, even if we lose weight and think it'll help us not focus on our bodies so much, we know we will always focus on them. If you are self conscious about something now, when you are 10 lbs lighter you will still focus on that same thing. Losing weight will not change that. 

For me, this area of focus has been my stomach. And now that this stomach has been stretched out to the max, cut open and finally healed, it's not quite what it used to be. I'll always have a big butt, I'll always have thighs. I'm always going to have cellulite and jiggle. And my husband loves this jelly so I'm ok with it. I'm not saying I want flabby legs, because I'm definitely trying to lose inches and tone it all up so I can fit into my old jeans...but I know they're always going to be the biggest part of my body and I'm content with that. 

The jeans I'm trying to fit back into. I love those jeans.

My stomach needs some work. I can lose all the weight I want but those abs need a work out. Hopefully by gaining more muscle under there and losing some of the fat, things will tighten a little. And maybe the skin won't be quite as loose. I do have a little fear that when I reach my weight loss goal that my skin will be saggy. But we'll see when we get there. Skin can only bounce back so much. I'm ok with the stretch marks. I know they'll always be there. I'm going to have to learn to live with the skin if it doesn't tighten. 

Ok. I'm rambling. Anyways...yesterday afternoon I laid out on my patio in a two piece swimming suit. That was the first time my torso has seen the light of day since late 2009 when my pregnant belly was still cute with a suit. How did I feel? I felt a little like my old self. I realized that wearing a two piece confidently in public wasn't really that far away. It felt good to not be so covered up. Granted I was on my secluded patio where nobody could see me, but being comfortable with myself is a big step.

One of my last times in a 2 piece, I was only about 4 weeks pregnant here. (And hadn't told anyone!)

And here I am only a few days into my weight loss journey (the part of the journey where I get serious). This week I've lost 3.6 lbs, I haven't starved myself, I've exercised, I ate things with fat in them, I'm stuffed after every meal, I haven't counted a single calorie. Each day I get further into my journey I gain more confidence and motivation to keep going. Especially when I see lower and lower numbers on the scale and when I put on a 2 piece suit for the first time in a couple years. 

Click below to see what I've been eating:

I'm a picky eater. Some of it might seem boring or weird to you but I'm doing what works for me. If you have any questions let me know!

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