February 24, 2011

you only live once

With all the recent searching I've made with regards to family geneolgoy it got me wondering once again, about my biological father. I've mentioned before that I was adopted by my dad (Andy) around the time my parents got married when I was 3. When I was in junior high I finally started to question what that meant and realized that because I was adopted, he wasn't my biological dad. 

I've never had any problems with this, I love my dad so much. But once I figured everything out I've always wondered in the back of my head where this person was, if he knew I existed, if there were other half siblings I may have, if I look like him, etc. I mean, I do look a lot like my mom, but there are many qualities that I have that I don't see in anyone else. I don't look a lot like my brothers and sister or any other family members on my mom's side.

I've tried searching for my biological father a few times before but didn't come up with anything, until this weekend and a late night Google search. I found a picture. And my best friend and I did some comparisons of this picture and my baby pictures and there are some very crazy resemblances. My heart was in my throat. I was shaking. Just the prospect that this was the person was very overwhelming. I've never really seen anyone I look like (besides my mom) who had a lot of the same qualities as me. 

My mom has always been very open about the situation and I talked to her before I decided what I was going to do. She wasn't able to confirm his identity through the photo because obviously it's been a long time. But all the other details seemed to match up. So I've let it stew for the past few days deciding what I would do and then decided I couldn't NOT contact him. I'd regret it in the future. I have kids now and I owe it to myself and to them to at least try to find these things out. 

So, today I sent him an email. Hands shaking, armpits sweating, I typed a short email and clicked send before I lost the guts to do it. Is this the right person? I hope so. I want to have this piece of the puzzle solved. What do I expect out of all of this? A confirmation at the very least. But this could all go a million ways, I'm really prepared for anything....good, bad, or inconclusive. 

Send out some positive vibes for me today if you can, so I can get the answers I've been searching for. 

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