thoughts about life

I have the Tyra Show on in the background and rarely even listen to it but today is an episode about single women vs. married women with kids. 

Some of the single women on here are asking why can't women be just happy with their careers and social lives and being on their own? Why do we think we need to get married and have kids to be happy? They seem to think that a woman's life is over once she has a family. They say women with kids and husbands are weak and lazy for just doing what everyone else does. 

One of the married women on the show says that women are put on this earth to be mothers and wives and that single women just must not know how to keep a man. They say every woman should get married and have a family.

Ugh. This debate is SO pointless. 

Happiness is relative. Everyone has their own version of happiness. No matter what path your life takes, you can be happy or unhappy, married or single, with kids or without. 

People think that if they wait to have kids to a certain age or wait to a certain age to get married that their life will turn out how they want it to.Too many people try to control every aspect of their lives and stress so much about what they want it to be rather than enjoying what it already is

My life has been just a complete whirlwind adventure and roller coaster ride. I would not change a single thing. People spend too much time trying to control when things happen. I met Chikezie when I wasn't looking to meet a husband, but he was the man I wanted to spend my life with. My babies were a complete surprise, but they're here because they're meant to be here. 

My life is not over. My adventures and accomplishments of the past or my potential for future endeavors have not been flushed down the drain. If anything, I have even MORE motivation to continue my life on this roller coaster. I haven't lost myself in a cloud of motherhood/marriage/stay-at-home-mommy-dom. I'm still me! I still have all the same interests I did before I had kids and was married. I still do all of those same things I did before this part of my life. Maybe not as often, but I still do them.

Having kids and a family doesn't ruin your potential for an amazing, spontaneous, whimsical, driven and accomplished life. It makes those accomplishments even MORE rewarding because you worked twice as hard and did twice as much to get where you are...with two more roles, a wife and a mama. 

Everyone has their own version of happiness. Your life is not what it could be or what you thought it could be or what you planned on it being. 

Life is full of happiness and love by your own choice. 


  1. I remember that episode!! Both sides were complete wastes of times. It sterotyped both single and married women, and it made it seem that there are is a cookie cutter form of happiness.

  2. amen sister! I really like this post! and agree with you so much. Almost everything has been unexpected for us, we have made the choice to love and be happy!

  3. well said! every woman needs to find what works for her... and then keep moving forward! yes, my life looks different now that i'm a mom... but shouldn't it? we should all be changing, *growing* whether we have husbands and kids or not!

  4. I think I really just needed to say this! I have a few friends who I constantly see facebook statuses of "SO glad I'm not tied down with a husband or kids-I'm free to make my own decisions" I'm like, wait a minute. You're offending a lot of people by saying that! I'm just as independent as any other person-I just have more people relying on me!