missing.

I've slowly been approaching the realization that something is missing in my life. I know I'm extremely overjoyed and happy that I've been blessed with such amazing little boys. I have an awesome husband who takes care of me and makes it possible for me to be home with the boys everyday. However, there is one huge void in my life that I'm not sure can be filled. I miss my family and friends. 

It's funny when you move across country you really start to learn who are the people that mattered most to you when you were around them. They are the people who reach out to you when you're clearly in need of support of your loved ones. My pregnancy was one of those times. I had a couple family members (aunts) who would occasionally email me to check up on me, and of course my mom (I talk to her like almost every day). I try to call my Dad once a week, even though sometimes the week goes by too fast and it ends up being two weeks. My in-laws call every week. My grandparents occasionally contact me to check up on me and of course my best friend Christy has been here for me since the day I left. And of course I have a couple other friends who have emailed me occasionally. Actually, only a couple of people even called me when the boys were born. 

I feel like this blog is one good way of me keeping everyone in my life updated on what's going on and how I'm surviving here. Because I left everyone, all of my family and friends, I have a lot of people to update. I figured this would be the best way to get information out to everyone at once. As we all know, I don't have a whole lot of free time right now. 

But as the months go by, I slowly realize those friendships and family connections I thought were once really strong maybe aren't what I originally thought. Facebook has become the place of random one lined communications between me and my friends and some family. Comments on photos are really my only interaction with anyone. The occasional comment on my blog is a good part of my social interaction. This really is how I communicate. It sucks. It's been a very lonely 9 months since I left my life in Iowa.

I miss hanging out with my friends. I miss having friends. I know I've made new friends here in California but really can only count maybe on 4 hands the amount of times I've seen or hung out with any of them. I spend my days at home with my sons, look forward to my husband being home so I have someone to talk to, gab my mom's ear off on the phone during the day even though I know she has work to do and needs to get going, and then do it all over again the next day. 

I know I need to get better at calling and emailing people. I know this. It just seems a little overwhelming when that list of people you need to contact is your entire family and group of friends. It's a little hard to keep up with that but I really am going to work on it. 

I really don't even know the purpose of this post other than to feel bad for myself for a little while, get a good cry out, and do a little soul searching. Thank you to all of you who've been there for me over the last 9 months. Of all the major things that can happen in your life, they all happened to me at once. Engaged, pregnant, quit my full time job, moved across country with nothing more than 2 suit cases, marriage, birth of my two sons....this has been the time I've needed you the most. I'll do my best to be there for you when you go through life changes-as long as you let me know what exactly is going on in your life, whether it's in a call or email or text. I don't exactly have time to check everyone's Facebook statuses. 

Anyways. Done with my lonely pity party. Here's cuteness overload: babies in Oakley hats.




3 comments :

  1. Mandey!!!

    You are so amazing! I have so much admiration for you and the strength you hve shown in all of your circumstances given over this past year. Adam and I have talked about all the huge life changes you guys have been through simultaneously in a short amount of time with amazement. They are all such good yet challenging things and I think you guys are awesome for how well you handle it all. You pour out joyful, funny and insightful glimpses into your life and I love that you have the honesty to talk about the things you find hard.

    I'm so sorry we haven't been there more for you guys. It's easy to get wrapped up in our own set of busyness but it's no excuse! I think of you often and hope we can get together more soon!

    Can't wait to watch your wee ones tomorrow night!

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  2. Aww thank you Kelly! Don't feel bad at all-sometimes I forget to take a breath and relax and all of these things start to catch up to me a little. I think I'm just starting to realize 3 months without really going anywhere as myself and not as a Mama has taken a little toll ha! I was telling Chikezie last night that I CAN NOT WAIT to get out tonight! I think it will be a good way to refresh and relax a little after three crazy months.

    I'm excited for you guys to watch the boys-hopefully they're good!

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  3. Yeah, I really wish someone told me how lonely motherhood can be. This is the greatest experience ever, but sometimes there does seem to be something missing. I am completely with you when it comes to missing friendships. My closest friends (of years!) kind of split when I got pregnant - but it's their loss. Here's to finding new, great mommy friends!

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